It starts now.

It starts now. The worrying, the Googling, the HOLY CRAP moments, the researching, the questioning, the tears. As soon as that strip turns pink or the fancy digital spells out p-r-e-g-n-a-n-t, it happens. And when it happens you just know. This is a moment in time that will always have a before and an after. An hour ago you were just you, and now you are a mama. And not just a mama, a mama who knows nothing. 

Sure, you might be the oldest of five children, the world’s best aunt (you even have the mug), or you might be like me and have babysat over 15 children as a very meaningful (and lucrative) side hustle in high school, but this is different. This baby is growing IN YOU and at some point, gulp, has to COME OUT OF YOU. 

Nobody comes to me for parenting advice. And you really shouldn’t. Because I am only 16 months in (+10 growing the sweet nugget). But I know one thing and this is what I would tell me. 

Before all the incessant late-night Google searching, following the must follows on Instagram/social media, phone calls to mom, and text messages to friends, stop. Breathe. And take inventory of who you are consulting for advice. Who you are looking at for survival tips for those first-trimester nausea waves, who is teaching you how to get your (future) child to sleep, who is telling you just what to put on your registry, etc. etc. etc. I am ALL about seeking wisdom. I intentionally try to be intentional about who and what speaks into my life, my marriage, my mothering, my friendships, etc. I don’t ask my car salesmen if I can afford a new car, I ask my bank account and financial advisor. I don’t ask my Pinterest board how I should style my hair, I ask my hair lady.

All I am saying is be careful of the voices you allow in your life when it comes to anything, but especially about how to be a mom. Not because you know everything, you don’t. But you know more than you think (they aren’t kidding- mother instinct is a miracle in and of itself)  and you need actual good counsel when you don’t. So, mama, be wary of who you follow and who you listen to. 

I was on one of my many early outdoor walks with our son at 3 weeks old and it consisted of getting my first piece of unsolicited advice. The guidance was from an older man I did not know, and about how my baby should be wearing sunglasses. It begins fast. So buckle up, use discernment (and always be praying for more), and be aware of who you allow to be influenced by.  

This also includes your own insecurities too. I often have to self-preach to myself not to lean on my own understanding about basically everything, especially when it comes to what I feel about my own mess ups, screw-ups, and failures in every area, but especially in motherhood. The other day my kid got a HUGE purple mark on his face after sliding down a slide with me. I have no idea how it happened because he was in my arms on the slide the whole time. This time, I was able to shrug it off, but usually, I’d let the purple mark talk to me about how much of a failure I am as a mom throughout the rest of the day. Normally I can’t let the I-am-a-fat-failure thoughts go as easily. 

Another time, I sent this same kid at a precious 5 then months old to the ER because I sliced the tip of his finger while cutting his nails. We watched the entire movie of Finding Nemo and it wouldn’t stop bleeding. And I swear, that week the bandage grew lips and screamed at me how much I failed my kid day in and day out. Which was a lie. I didn’t fail my son. He doesn’t even remember it. (New mercies every morning, applies to both mama and kid, praise the Lord.) 

So mama, be on alert. Be on guard. Be diligent about who you let in and what you dwell on. That’s all I know. (Oh, and you really do want to put a snot sucker on your registry for the 200 colds they get in the first year and digital monitors are pretty dope.)