Ripples of (Un)Answered Prayers & (Dis)Contentment

It was a day like any other day. I happily awoke to the sound of my husband making us coffee. I know these fairy tale mornings won’t last forever, but I love and relish in the fact that I can confidently say for the greater part of 3 years I have woken up and had breakfast and/or coffee with my husband on our porch or at our dining room table. With each sip, I truly savor it. It’s one of those things I know I’m going to miss as time continues to tick by.

After my husband left work for work, I had a little extra time before going in myself so I sat down and pulled out my phone. Now, I’m going to be completely honest with you about something. I try really hard to be intentional in most areas of my life. One of those areas is keeping my phone on my bedside table until I leave for the day. I try really hard to not look at it once until I need to turn on music or a podcast for the day’s commute. But this day, I picked it up.

It was a bright blue sky day. You must know that. It was perfectly sunny and things seemed to be going in the right direction until I picked up the phone and opened up Facebook. Then I went to Instagram. And with those two platforms keeping my thumbs busy with each scroll, the crazy cycle of comparison began.

Almost instantly I was met with great celebration-worthy news about my friends’ lives. They were expecting, they were married, they were buying a house, they were on their way home from a vacation of a lifetime, they were graduating with their master’s… I could go on and on but I think you get the picture. They had something that I didn’t have. Or I did have the possibility of having but didn’t have at this moment in time.

Because on that day I was going to the same 9-5 job (that I love by the way) that I did yesterday. Our vacation plans this year did not include white sandy beaches or need a passport to get to. I had point blank evidence that I wasn’t pregnant this month. Nothing was new. Nothing was different and out of the ordinary. And up until this point in my day, things were going just fine.

But with each swipe of my thumb, the makeup I had just put on was being replaced with a bright green color. I began loving their life, not mine. I wanted what they had. Their job, their house, their baby in my belly, and their excitement. I instantly began praying to God to be a mom someday, to go on their same vacation, to have a house, for a husband to look that happy when he was holding me… you get it.

A few weeks ago during a church service, our Pastor (I call him PK) was talking about prayers, how we never know what will really happen if those prayers were answered. He compared our prayer to dropping a stone into a large body of water. When the stone hits, the force of it hitting the water causes so many ripples of all shapes and sizes. They are never the same. They are all dependent on the force and speed in which the stone was dropped, the position of its surroundings, the temperature of the air and the water and of course, what other circumstances surround the place the stone was dropped. Needlesstosay, not one drop is the same nor are the ripples and currents that surround it.

The same with our prayers.

We don’t realize that when we pray for X and X, X may occur. Changing a career might lead to a move, which might lead to a marital strain which might lead down a dark and lonely few years. Becoming a mom right now today might impact other things and other people we can’t see right now. So can getting married. So can purchasing a house. So can getting accepted into this or that college. So can choosing to homeschool our kids.

We don’t see the big picture.
We don’t see when the stone is dropped, what ripples will be created in response.

Lysa Terkerust posted a quote on her Instagram the other day and I adore it so much I have tried to memorize it and pin it to the Pinterest board of my heart. I also wanted to share it with all of you:

Hello beautiful. Stop scrolling thinking about how much better her life is than yours. Trust me on this. I’ve learned to say to myself… “I’m not equipped for the bad that comes along with that good. It’s always a package deal. And if I really saw the full picture, I’d probably never want that package. I’d just be a little more grateful for my life.”

It took me more minutes that I would like to admit on that warm sunny August day until I threw my phone down in disgust at myself. I had fallen for the comparison game once again. I had allowed discontent to wash over me and slowly become BFF’s with my heart.

I don’t know about you, dear reader, but I have started to become really defensive about letting jealousy or discontentment grip me. When my face is green and growing even greener, I find it really hard to applaud other people. When my nose is in the air when I do have an accomplishment worth announcing, I find it really hard to hold someone’s hand who is in pain.

I desire to always be reminded of the ripples. Be constantly reminded that it’s always a package deal with blessings. And to always be aware that social media and the five-minute headlines of catching up with somebody, only show me the bows and the wrapping paper.