Have you ever heard a song and the lyrics seem to reflect who you are right this second in your life? It’s an exciting thing when something matches so perfectly, and before it seemed like no one knew what you are going through until this song came out. Then, every word matches every emotion in your heart.
My devotions did that for me today, it was almost scary how much my life matches the Israelites when they are waiting for Moses to come down from the mountain. First of all the fact that they are waiting. I too am waiting. Waiting for a lot more than it seems I’m living for, which is definitely not the case but it sure seems like it someday. So they are waiting for Moses. I am waiting for to see if Bluffton is my answer. If Communications is my major. If Ryan is my companion. And on, and on, and on.
The Israelites begin to doubt if this is the “one” God. As if they haven’t had many miracles already for them to believe this. They got out of bondage and slavery for Pete’s sake. I am alive and have no severe health problems for Pete’s sake. The Red Sea was parted right before their eyes. My education thus far at college has been paid for right before my eyes. And yet they start looking to each other in doubt and fear. Is Moses really talking to a real God up there or is he just wasting time? Is Ryan really the man for me that will stick with me through thick and thin for the rest of my life? Is Bluffton the place for me?
And then the rest of their story continues to say how they made a golden calf out of their prized jewelry. They made a god in place of the God who delivered them out of bondage. They sinned heavily against their deliver and creator.
I don’t want that ending to happen to me. I want the reverse to happen. I don’t mind waiting. I mean Ryan and I still have 3 years before we will even allow ourselves to simply date. I have time to see if Bluffton is the right college for me.
Is this what true love feels like though? Wanting the best for each other, even if it’s not… each other. Weird as it might sound. I get butterflies when I think about our future, could possibly work out? I mean in 3years… can we really wait that long? I think we can. And then some days I doubt it. I mean if you told me at 15 years old (his age presently) I had to wait to date someone… wait 3 years… I would like to hope I would have the patience he expresses, but I don’t know if I would. He keeps telling me he’ll wait. He’ll fight. I guess time will tell.
Although, I’m up for it. As much as a tiny part of me wants a boyfriend, much more wants me to wait. And just “enjoy the ride” as they say. I love these choices because it’s what is lying underneath all these choices; the power to choose my own life. The way I want my life to be and become. It’s super exciting! I used to hate waiting and prayed for multiple servings of patience but now I have more situations in which I have to be patient for than I can count on my fingers and toes and yet I’m not drowning. I’m not tied down like I have been in past. I’m free.
Instead of getting the jealous bug when the two of you look at each other with stars in each other’s eyes. I look up and see the stars, and it leaves me breathless. When I feel like I should be at another college or university out-of-town away from here, I look around and realize that I’m the PRESIDENT of a Christian group on campus. I’m a small group leader at Grace. I’m getting a 3.5 in college work. I’m planting my seeds, growing my fruit out my eyeballs. I’m exactly where I want to be. With my family and certain friends near me.
Contentment.
I pray this eternal joy never leaves me. =D
I’m not saying my life is perfect, but I am saying that I serve a perfect God in which all things are possible through him.
