My dear sister,
Two years ago I sat in a coffee shop the morning of my wedding. I remember looking around and watched life carry on as it normally does. Life still was happening outside the bubble of my wedding day. Baseball scores were being reviewed on the diner’s television, kids were creating bubbles from their straws in their chocolate milk and the sun was making its daily climb through the sky. But when my gaze came back to the table, I saw my future husband scooping up the last of his scrambled eggs with a look of excitement on his face.
That was the last time I saw that man until I was walking down the aisle toward him with the honored escort of my father holding my arm.
I remember sitting where you sit. I remember pouring over the Pinterest boards and bridal magazines. Googling everything. Checking the weather months in advance for the average temps on May 30th. I remember talking with friends about what they did (and didn’t) and recalling memories from catering and previous weddings attended about what worked as far as menu, cake, transportation, music, flowers, decorations, dresses, tuxes, socks, shoes, jewelry…
And then one night, I made a promise. I promised to spend less on my wedding and more time on my marriage. Less money, less time, less focus, less prayers. Every decision was made, because it had to be done, but what I loved most was planning our lives together. Moving in with each other. Starting our family of two together. I turned off Pinterest 2 months into our engagement and decided to only log back in when my last name had changed.
Because outside the wedding day bubble, is when marriage takes place. It’s where heartache and true euphoria reside. My dear sister, your wedding day could very well be the only day it looks like those movies you watch. It’s the only day that your story ends “happily ever after”. The days after can look like a fairy tale, you just have to choose it. You have to choose to seek the beauty, love and laying yourself down. Because, sweet girl, it’s not always easy.
It’s not easy to have the person who loves you the best, also carry weapons that could hurt you the worst, live right under your own roof and sleep in the same bed. Ryan is the man who I love more than any other single person but he can frustrate me more than any crazy driver on the road or long line at the grocery store.
But my goodness is it fun! Always having a best friend when you walk into a room full of strangers, is one of my many most cherished things marriage. I have no doubt we are immensely blessed.
I have watched my husband serve me, love me and pour his heart and soul into our relationship in new and fresh ways. From our daily coffee and breakfast together, to really listening about my day before we turn the TV on or crack open a book at night, to so much more than I can ever express (ask me about the tables he built for us sometime), I’ve been left undone at his selflessness and it challenges me to love him better.
Don’t get too blinded by the day and miss the opportunity to prepare for your marriage. Wear TOMS shoes if you want. Add straps to your dress if your (like me) self conscious of the girls being revealed too soon. 🙂 See each other before the ceremony if you need it. But if I can give you any advice it’s to seek God in all of it.
Seek the capital H, Him, before you walk down the aisle. Allow him to teach you about marriage far more than any mother, aunt or book. Ask him to breathe into your life so you can breathe His goodness and his grace out. Be willing to be a sponge and soak all the wisdom in. How to respect, how to speak truth gracefully, how to forgive and how to lay your own life down.
Marriage is one of the most beautiful examples we have depicting God’s love for us and it’s still not complete. But may you look to that for guidance and comfort and not people.
Your wedding day is, while beautiful and exciting, day one of the rest of your lives. Live and plan for the rest of them as much, if not more, than you do the first day and I can’t think of any better fairy tale.
