Normally, my work commute doesn’t bother me. Roughly thirty minutes from home, the road has enough curves, creatures, beautiful country sunsets and traffic to keep me occupied. Of course, some days are better than others but most of the time, I don’t mind the drive. It’s typically the one time, sometimes the only time, I’m alone until my head hits my pillow. Solitude never bothers me, it’s loneliness that grips my heart with fear.
There is one road on my commute, ironically the same road my morning destination is on, that my head rocks from the right to the left almost continually. Driving by the shipyard is fun, until you realize that many semis, cars, trucks, are non-locals attempting to get out of the city to deliver their goods, without stopping, even while a bright red octagon is pleading them too. They blink and miss it.
This specific morning my heart was sorting through some wounds. Pride has gripped me for so long, I forgot what it was like to be free. Echos from people… books I was reading… all filled my head and overwhelmed my heart during my morning’s journey. “What more could he have done?”… More than once my throat began to close up, like it always does before the tears form in my eyes. Finally turning right, I was close to my destination. Then I saw it.
I saw a car coming. It was blue and as I watched it drive faster and faster toward the intersection, it was me this time who blinked, and when I opened my eyes, the car had begun to screech to a stop. It may or may not have seen the sign, but they had seen me.
I raised my hand and smiled, with a thought of “Thank you for seeing me…” gestured toward them. They nodded, looking both panicked and relieved at the good fortune.
Like the driver, often, I miss the signs. I miss the hints. I’m too tied up in my own little world to notice what I’m supposed to be learning, who I’m supposed to be loving, and where I’m supposed to be heading… but even if I miss them, that doesn’t mean they’re not there. That doesn’t mean God stops trying to captivate my heart. In fact, that means he only woos harder. He refuses to give up on me. He continually wishes to redeem me. To win my heart. He never ceases in his love for me.
He never stops seeing me.
